You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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