The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
