I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
