I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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