I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
