My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
