you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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