You can't motorboat a personality
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
