Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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