SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
