Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
