i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
