That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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