you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize