After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
