Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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