Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
