I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
