My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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