Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
We were destined to go to rehab together
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
