dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
