after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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