I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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