I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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