he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
