You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Princesses don't give blow jobs
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
