your room smells of hookers.
And success
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
