Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
ok first of all what the fuck
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