On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
