we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
