gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
