Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
