I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
There r osticjed everywhere
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
