Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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