your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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