Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
