Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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