Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
