he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
