We're like a lot better than the average bears
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
