I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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