Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
