You're my little dorito
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
