I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
