Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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