We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
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