Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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