You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Randomize
