i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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