1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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