forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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