here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize