dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
