This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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