just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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