i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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