I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize