Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
