I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
