So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just want to make out with him forever
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
