My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
It's rum buckets o'clock
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
