"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize