I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Houston, we have a blender
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
