I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
