ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i drank out of a bidet.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
