Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
