No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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