True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
