Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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