my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Dignity is for republicans.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
