there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
