Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
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