I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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