There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
