So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
