She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I have grass duct taped all over my body
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Randomize
