I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
