saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
