I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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