The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
