Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
