After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You're a waste of cheezeits
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
