Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
