There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
