Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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