she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i wish my penis had a tongue
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
