Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
