Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
