even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
