My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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