New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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