a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
