I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
