ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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