The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
