did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
