Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
They took my balls.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize