oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
