there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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