Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
