thus making me awesome and them whores
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
