There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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